Film review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
In cinemas now

What happened? I’d like to place the blame squarely at the feet of George Lucas because…I don’t like him, but it’s probably a joint effort between him, Steven Spielberg and screenwriter David Koepp.

I was actually excited when the first trailers appeared for Indy IV; I didn’t think Harrison Ford was too old, I hadn’t had enough of Shia LeBouf, and it was awesome that Karen Allen was returning as Marion.

The thing is, they kept the plot a secret. And it’s the plot that’s the problem.

There were rumblings about the fact that, since the original films were set in the 30s, they reflected the movie serials of the time, that Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, being set in the 50s, would have a B-movie feel. Which we…sort of get. But more in a bad way thatn good. You know you’re in a bad way when the main villain (dreaded commie Irina Spalko, played by Cate Blanchett) reveals she is psychic. Now, I can handle face-melting by the ark of the covenant, and 500-year-old immortal crusaders, but psychic people? And it gets worse.

The story is just…bad. Characters and plotlines introduced for no reason, terrible excuses for MacGuffins, stupid, stupid sci-fi stuff. And an abudance of unecessary cute CGI animals (I guess Spielberg really just wants to do one of those Dreamworks films, with Ben Stiller or someone in?). Just not good.

But there are some good things about the film. The many action scenes work the best (despite some often ropey CGI), and are as exciting and thrilling as anything in the other three films. Indy still knows how to throw a punch, and shoot a gun.

For every rubbishy, sentimental, wink-nod to the audience references to other films, there are others that are more “tastefully” done; Harrison Ford really isn’t too old, and Shia LeBouf is good; despite the stupid psychic powers, Ms Blanchett isn’t a half-bad villain; and some of the 50s pop-culture references are pretty good (excluding the obvious, stupid joke at the very start).

The ending’s pretty pants too; the conclusion of the “narrative” has to be seen to be believed (and not in a good way), and then we have to get a Return of the Jedi, chessy-as-hell, let’s wrap everything up-scene. The other Indys didn’t need to wrap anything up; The Last Crusade ended with them running off into the sunset!

I’m trying to keep everything vague because…well, it’s Indian fucking Jones. Regardless of what I, or anyone else, says, people are gonna go see it. Even if it is hugely disappointing, a waste of talent, and Spielberg needs to make another Munich to keep my interest in him.

So overall…not as bad as the Star Wars prequels. But still not great. Wait for the DVD.

Download John Williams - “The Raiders March”

Film review: Iron Man

Note: I used to post these on akuhei bakery’s sister blog, Second Hand Popcorn, but the reviews have been so sparse as of late, I thought I may as well intergrate the film reviews here. And I’ll try to loosely tie them in here by posting an MP3 from the film’s soundtrack, or something. Enjoy!

Iron Man
In cinemas now

Robert Downey Jr as a superhero. Jeff ‘The Dude’ Bridges as a supervillain. Gwyneth Paltrow not acting that terribly. From the director of Elf.

How did this film get made? And never mind that, how did it turn out to be so damn awesome (reportedly the best reviewed film of 2008 so far)?

Well, the first two in that list help. Robert Downey Jr has been on a steady road to recovery, with brilliant performances in films such as A Scanner Darkly, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Zodiac. He brings his familiar, but not over-familiar, brand of what Mark Kermode calls “crazy acting”; nervous ticks, speedy speech, and a general hyperactivity, layered over with considerable charisma and charm as the titular protaganist who, in his day job is known as Tony Stark.

Stark is a genius weapons designer/manufacturer, and enjoys a billionaire playboy lifestyle (which, unlike the Goddamn Batman, he rather enjoys). That is, until, his military convoy on a business trip to Iraq is explodermerised, and he is kidnapped by terrorists.

After seeing the destruction his weapons cause when given (or rather sold) to the wrong people, Stark escapes from his captors in a robot “suit”; the prototype, slightly shoddy Iron Man armour. Back at home, after announcning that Stark Industries is getting out of the weapons business (much to the chagrin of partner/mentor Obadiah Stane, Bridges’ character) Stark begins to work on a far-less cobbled together version of the suit, in order to “protect the people he put in harms way”.

This origin story takes up a good hour just-over-two-hour running time yet, unlike the first Spider-Man or X-Men films, it feels like it could withstand repeat viewings. Because director Jon Favreau allows things to actually happen; and they’re rather enjoyable, and they’re (for the most part) well acted, well written, and well staged. Jeff Bridges chews scenery, as a comic-book villain should, Downey Jr is entertainingly suave and one-linery-y, and Terrence Howard does well as the straight man to Downey’s joker. And, as I said before, the usually-awful Ms Paltrow (or Mrs Chris Martin), as Stark’s assistant/love interest Pepper Potts (I know, get over it), isn’t entirely terrible. But still not great.

The action, when it comes, is fast and furious, with the suit’s FX expertly rendered by ILM; a scene set back in the deserts where Stark was kidnapped offer some of the greatest thrills, and “OH SNAP” moments. And, while the film occassionaly lasps into cliché, the cliché’s themselves are mosly passable as they are used as a means to and end…and what an awesome end it is.

Iron Man is possibly the best comic adaptation I’ve seen so far, as it gets the balance between comic-booky-over-the-top-ness (ala Fantastic Four) and the serious-business-drama (ala X-Men) just right, resulting in a film that is smart, funny, exciting, and overall, cool. Luckily, the entire team, revelatory director Jon Favreau included, have apparently signed on for sequels…

Oh, and if (or rather, when) you see the film, wait ’til after the credits. It’s awesome, trust me. There’s a cameo by a certain actor…a certain MOTHERFUCKIN’ actor….

Download Black Sabbath - “Iron Man” (yes, this appears on the soundtrack)